“James, I’m eating dinner with her in the cafeteria at the care home, and she thinks we’re at a reception on a cruise ship,” one of the guys I coach told me.
“I never eat dinner with her for an hour and a half,” he admitted, “but I just had this sense—this moment was different. So I lingered. And with her dementia, most of the conversation didn’t make sense. But in the midst of the rambling, there were three things she said that I’ll never forget.”
I was on the edge of my seat.
“This frail old woman looked me in the eyes—like she was seeing straight into me—and said, ‘You don’t have very many years to do what you’re supposed to do.’ Then she went back to talking about the dancing she imagined around her.
“We kept eating, and then again, she looked right at me and said, ‘Keep it short… those things that don’t bring you joy. Don’t drag them out.’
That moment stayed with him. It stays with me too.
Just this week, a woman I coach had lunch with a different elderly woman. She told me, “James, I asked her, ‘If you could go back to where I am in my life, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?’”
It’s a great question.
This 85-year-old woman, who’d raised kids as a single mom and worked hard her whole life, didn’t hesitate. She said, “I wouldn’t worry. Everything works out. We try so hard to work everything out… but everything works out.”
Two women, worlds apart, who lived completely different lives. Yet at the end, they’re saying the same thing: Time is fleeting. See it. Use it.
We, in the middle of our time, don’t see what they see. We get caught up in the busyness, the stress, the need to figure it all out.
You may not have an 85-year-old woman to sit down and eat with, but I have to ask:
- Why do you spend your time the way you do?
- What will you keep short?
- What will you stop trying to work out?
- How will you use the time you have, right now?
Leadership isn’t just about tasks or titles. It’s about relationships—ones that change how people live their lives. These moments, these conversations, remind us that leadership is seeing the time we have, valuing it, and helping others do the same.
How will you look back on your time?