I’m coaching a 47 year old woman, and the truth is she has become a real friend. She said something last week that of all people I wouldn’t expect her to say, “I’m not good enough.”
But that’s not where the conversation began, it started with, “James, I’m gaining weight again.”
“What’s underneath the weight gain?” I asked her.
“I don’t know. But, there is something bigger here.” Then she started laughing, hearing what she just said, “I’m not talking about me… I guess what’s bigger here is that I’ve not made myself a priority. Everything and everybody else seems to get my time, and I don’t take care of myself.
“What has to shift,” I asked, “for you to be a priority?
And that is when she said it, ”I have to believe that I’m worth it. It sounds weird, but believe that I’m good enough.”
People don’t say that out loud even if they feel it. And she kept going, “I feel tarnished and damaged. And when I’ve tried to eat healthy and lose weight, I feel like I’m just trying to polish myself up. But the truth is James, the thing I’ve never said before, is that I always feel like I’m too far behind to catch up.”
Now I’ve coached a lot of people, a lot of women, and while this 47 year old woman said it out loud, she’s probably not the only one of us who feels like she’s not good enough. Like you’re trying to catch up.
I know there are people in your life and even in our society that make you feel tarnished. But I’m going to be really direct – you have to let those words go. Can you do that? Can you let go of that old thinking about yourself? I know you can. Sure it will take time, some new belief, and lot’s of saying it over and over again. But you can do this. How much is it worth to you? How valuable?
Mastercard used a word in their commercials. Remember that word? Priceless. I’m sure the first 30 days of a credit card are priceless, but 18% interest? That doesn’t sound too priceless. You know what’s priceless for me? You need to hear what this woman said next.
I asked her, “What’s the opposite of not being good enough?
“Freedom… someone who’s free”
That’s priceless. “What does freedom feel like?” I asked her.
“Weightless.” she said, “Not being weighed down by what I think about myself.”
What is weighing you down?
Who’s words do you need to let go of?
Who needs to be in your life to say this to you over and over again?